I have returned!

Hello!

It has been almost 1.5 years … and I have finally returned to my blog!

I wish I could conjure some amazing excuse or adventure to explain my absence, but honestly… it’s just a case of ‘life happened’. And I carry no guilt whatsoever because I understand 3 things:

  1. Most likely, none of you noticed my absence.
  2. I have always been inconsistent with my post schedule (as this is more of a hobby than a job for me), which is why most of my blog readers wouldn’t have blinked twice.
  3. Not posting for so long was not a conscience decision. I just didn’t feel inspired to post or analyze anything I watched or experienced. Instead, I focused all of my time on school, procrastination, sport, etc.

Anyway, there you go. My explanation (… kind of). I was unsure whether to provide an explanation or not, but I decided to do it for me. Returning out of the blue might have felt strange otherwise.

Now for some blog business!

I want so badly to promise you a consistent posting schedule or talk about upcoming posts but, in all honestly, I’d only be lying to myself if I attempted to promise such things. I’ll attempt to spend some time on this blog weekly, if only to write drafts or check any comments, but I won’t set myself deadlines. This is because, to me, writing on my blog has always been a relaxing and exciting process and if I treated it like homework, I think it’ll become more of a chore.

This made me wonder whether consistent posting is related to blog popularity. It’s always nice to fantasize about having a large blog-following, but I would never want to sacrifice the small pleasures that come with writing freely, without large responsibilities and demand. Having readers is always a pleasure and joy, but I’d like to think my enjoyment is not dependent on that. Even as I am typing this now, I am unsure if anyone will see this on their feed or show any interest. And it doesn’t matter, because this blog is for me and right now I hope that posting again will contribute to my happiness 🙂

– Brittney ❤

Self-sabotage

Hello! It’s been ages, hasn’t it? Believe it or not, I’ve written about half a dozen posts over the duration of my ‘absence’, yet haven’t posted a single one due to my, often harsh, self-critique. But here we are, trying once more and on a topic that is extremely relevant to myself and a definite cause of 95% of my heartache and unnecessary stress:

! Self-sabotage !

Lately, I’ve felt so extremely overwhelmed and simply exhausted. Not because my school workload is too much, oh no tsk tsk, but because I simply REFUSE to do anything at a reasonable time or be responsible with my time. But that is just ONE of my many methods of self-sabotage. Not only do I simply fail at trying to remain disciplined with my schoolwork schedule, but I am in this constant loop of sabotaging my diet! I simply need to have enough strength to say “NO!” to myself more often, honestly! The amount of FRUSTRATION this cycle of simply being disobedient to simple guidelines I’ve set for myself is EXHAUSTING, and more than anything extremely toxic. Why do I do things that I KNOW will upset me so?

If having a toxic relationship with yourself due to your lack of self-discipline wasn’t enough, then try forgiving yourself after “doing a bad”! Now THAT is tough! I honestly, as horrible as this may sound, cannot stand myself after doing such silly, unnecessary, and sinful things. But it’s not like I can get away from myself! Oh no, why that is just how twisted all of this is!

But, in the spirit of hope, I will start tomorrow a-new. You wait and see! I shall say NO! to myself when tempted by fattening foods&drinks, not self-sabotage, and post more often on my blog- posts that will be insightful, heartfelt, and posts that I will be proud of! …unlike this one

-Brittney ❤

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

Hello!

Firstly, a disclaimer: My blog’s website is ‘under construction’ per say, so if anything acts weirdly, links don’t work, or you’re just plain lost- that’s why.

Anyway

I thought to write an update, before my existence on this platform is forgotten. SO, what have I been up to? And why the changes on my blog?

To summarize the whole ‘blog makeover’: I just felt I had outgrown the original design. I decided to spend a couple of minutes making a few changes, and because I lack many WordPress skills, it ended up taking me a couple hours. And I’m still not done! But change is good, for the most part.

So what have I been up to this year’s January? Well, actually plenty! I have been super productive physically, and feel as if I’ve accomplished a lot already. I know, that’s a rather vague explanation, but I promise to get back to this topic at a later stage. For now though, I wanted to tell you about some posts you can expect from me (eventually, maybe, lol)! Like I said, I have been rather productive, and hence have much to write about.

So please, look forward to that!

Once again, please be patient with the blog’s appearance and functionality. Still working on the kinks.

In the meantime, I hope you all have had a good January, and that February is treating you well!

-Brittney

New Years 2019 !

Hello!  And HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I enjoy writing blog posts like these because it allows me to reflect later on, as well as because a new year is exciting! Or at least, it’s meant to be? I can’t say that I am excited for the new year, but I am definitely going to set some goals and ambitions for this year.

Last year, 2018 served the purpose of a ‘fresh’ start, and a year to focus on myself. In January 2018 I had set the long-term goal to ‘love myself’, and I am very happy with the progress I have made 🙂 This year, I will continue with this goal, but I also have some other ones in mind.

In 2019 I would like to:

  • LOVE MYSELF ❤
  • Receive Residency for NZ (My family and myself)
  • Earn my Drivers Restricted & Learners licence
  • DUX for my year level, again 😏
  • All E in all of my Externals (Very difficult, but not impossible!)
  • And hopefully meet a nice boy :,D

I mean, these are some of the larger goals, but what would a New Year be without Resolutions and Goals? >u<

Thinking about it, I am kind of excited! I hope this year is a successful one, and that you are happy this year 🙂 ❤  Once again, HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY 2019!

I shall be posting again soon!

-Brittney ❤

December, 2018

Hello!

It has been a while, hasn’t it? I hope you are all doing well 🙂 I have been meaning to write for a while, but every time I tried, I gave up halfway. I just felt it was too much to summarise, or that it wasn’t worded correctly. So here I am. Trying again.

 

Reflecting on 2018

Overall, I would consider this year a successful year. I achieved my goals academically, obtained my first job, am learning to love myself, and changed my mindset for the better.

Towards the end of December 2017, I was set on ‘learning to love myself’. I wasn’t entirely sure what this meant yet, but I knew that it would be nice to not have as many negative thoughts about myself. I wanted to feel a sense of contentment when I looked in the mirror; to feel confident in my body and through my actions. 2017 was a challenging year in many respects. During the immigration process, I had gained a lot of weight. I was very conscious of this, and this made other things more challenging. I experienced my first heartbreak in January 2017, and on that same day, I had an interview with my first New Zealand School. I consider that one of my defining moments, as after 30 minutes of experiencing this heartbreak and sobbing, I got dressed and pulled myself together for that interview. And I nailed it.

Regarding my education, I did well in 2017. I had to move around a lot and changed schools in the middle of the year. Moving around so much in the span of a year and a half, I thought ‘feeling settled’ as something that was unattainable. Everything felt temporary. The only consistent aspects of my life were my family and my bad eating habits.

In December 2017, during my holidays, I found BTS (방탄소년단). Not only did their performances blow me away, and their beautiful chemistry, but I found their “Love Myself” message fascinating. I had never thought of paying so much attention to my well-being before, and observing how much work done and time is taken by the boys to better themselves and take care of themselves, I felt inspired. But how do I start?

Most, if not all of my life, I have been conscious of my weight. I have never been the ‘small friend’, nor the ‘skinny friend’. With a bulky build and being very active, I never did feel feminine or girly. I never disliked myself because of this though, no. But as I grew older, and when I stopped being active during the immigration progress in mid-2016, I gained a lot of weight and became very aware of minor imperfections. I developed bad eating habits from an early age, but it didn’t impact me much because of how active I was. No longer being active, I quickly gained weight and soon weighed the most I had ever weighed. I know that the scale does not justify your body composition, but I knew that a large percentage of my muscle had been replaced with excess fat.

I know I know, everyone experiences self-criticism and many people struggle with their image, but I am not writing this to complain nor bring light to my own doubts, but instead to share the pride I feel with my journey. No, I haven’t undergone a huge ‘body transformation’, but my mentality and mindset about my body have changed. For the better! 🙂

This didn’t happen in a day, and I am still changing constantly, but over the course of 2018, I am proud to say that I have made many positive and difficult steps towards loving myself and my body.

 

Ice Hockey

In this present time, I am currently more physically active than I have been in the last 2 years. This is due to having a commitment to a very creditable ice hockey team who represents my region, and in order to play in the NZ tournament next year and in a good place on the team, I have to work my butt off to be in my best physical condition. This is great because I have a drive, a commitment and a goal.

In the first few weeks of training and fitness, my body was in immense pain. I have a long-term knee problem, and because of this, I have suffered setbacks. I felt extremely frustrated and angry with myself after every practice as I felt limited. But, through hard work, I have strengthened the muscles surrounding my knees, preventing them from collapsing and dislocating so easily, as well as decreasing pain caused by any impact. This isn’t something that happened overnight, and I had to be really strong mentally to endure and keep going. I have made a lot of progress since, and continue to, but it hasn’t gotten any easier. That being said, I am still going, because I want to succeed and I want to become stronger.

**Expect another post entirely dedicated to my training and fitness.

Another thing to consider with this commitment is the fact that there is a 4-week training gap, spanning over Christmas and New Year. So, it is all on me to keep working over this ‘break’ and make the most progress possible. No cookies for me this Christmas!

And that brings me to the next topic of discussion,

DIET

For the first time, I have maintained a steady diet throughout most of a year. I don’t have a meal plan, but I do have a plan. Because I live with my family, it would not be fair to have to spend more money on foods specifically for me. Fortunately, my dad is also interested in healthy eating and together we whip up healthy meals and keep fresh foods in the house. Of course, not everyone in the house is like this and there are sugary treats to be found, but that boils down to self-discipline. I no longer eat an excessive amount of food, nor binge-eat, and this is one of the best changes I have made to my diet. I eat an average amount of food, ( on some days more 😉 ), and when I do eat I take time to make good choices. I have taken Food&Nutrtion in school for the last year and a half, and have learnt a lot. Having to memorize nutrients, the food they belong to, their bodily functions, long-term and short-term effects, as well as much more (including preparation techniques), making healthy choices that will benefit me have become SO much easier!

Sure, I have not lost a lot of weight, but I have maintained a weight, which is another first. Recently I have been losing weight due to being much more physically active but in order to lose more, I will have to become stricter on my diet. No more iced coffees for a while!

Something REALLY important that I have experienced changing my diet is how I feel. Being active, I don’t feel the same urge to eat/drink something unhealthy, but when I do my body feels sluggish and upset. I find it absolutely fascinating how differently my body reacts to having something unhealthy I used to eat/drink so often. Having a negative bodily reaction to junk-food helps me keep my diet on track, but because I am human sometimes I do have a little ‘treat’. An important rule is to: have everything in moderation

*I might write another post about my diet later on the full extent of my changes, so look out for that. 

Learning to Love Myself

Through my successes, I have learnt to appreciate myself. But it is through my failures that I have learnt to love myself. Through practising accepting and forgiving myself after countless failures and disappointments, I have begun loving myself. And I shall continue to practice this. 🙂

(Tip: If you are stumped on where to start, try attempting a goal of yours and working towards it. Celebrate minor success, and take it easy on yourself when experiencing failure. Taking time to care for yourself and needs is also very important. I am by far no professional, but this has helped me.)

BUT WHY DOES BEING ACTIVE AND EATING WELL CONTRIBUTE SO MUCH TO MY WELL-BEING?

Because I have always admired people who are so physically capable and able. I’ve always wanted to live a healthier lifestyle, and am proud to say I am physically active. If you were to ask me to run 5km or do 100 burpees, I would like to be able to! I have been consistent with my good grades in school, and am a hard worker at everything else I do, so why not exceed physically as well? Of course, it is not my only focus, and I juggle it with work, socializing, school, and my ‘me-time’. But I am happy to be doing it, and to still be going ^^

 

I hope you all are well, and thank you for reading! I would love to know some of your proudest moments of 2018, and a current goal of yours? I hope to post more frequently soon ^^

 

-Brittney ❤

Parasyte

Hello!

My friend suggested the anime Parasyte to me, and since the last anime she recommended to me was Future Diary, I definitely took her recommendation to heart and gave the anime Parasyte a go.

I binge watched the first 19 episodes in two days, and then due to exams and just a whole bunch of busyness, I had to leave the anime for a bit. This was 2 months ago. But I never forgot about the anime, and I knew I wanted to acknowledge it in a post, so I watched the last 5 episodes a few days ago, and WOW!

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Plot:

Parasyte centres on a male 17-year-old high school student named Shinichi Izumi, who lives with his mother and father in a quiet neighbourhood in Tokyo, Japan. One night, strange worm-like creatures with drills as a ‘head’ called Parasytes appear on Earth, taking over the brains of human hosts by entering through their ears or noses. One Parasite attempts to crawl into Shinichi’s nose while he sleeps, but fails as Shinichi wakes up, and enters his body by burrowing into his arm instead. It takes over his right hand and is named Migi (ミギー), after the Japanese word for ‘right’. Because Shinichi was able to prevent Migi from travelling further up into his brain, both beings retain their separate intellect and personality. As the duo encounter other Parasites, they capitalize on their strange situation and gradually form a strong bond, working together to survive. Shinichi feels compelled to fight other Parasites, who devour humans as food, and does so by enlisting Migi’s help.

 

Review

So, despite being so captivated by this anime when first encountering it, I’m not going to write essays about it. This is due to the fact that, unfortunately, I have a 2-month gap between my initial impressions and the finale of the anime. To properly write a review, I was tempted to watch the whole anime again, but due to my limited time to get through as many animes I can in the span of 2 weeks, I reconsidered and decided to write an honest review of everything I can recall, and give my final thoughts on this anime.

My first impressions

WOW. From the introduction of the first episode, I was hooked. I think it has a lot to do with the freaky ‘morphing’ of the human body parts, specifically being the heads.

The transition from human-disguise to parasyte was quite disturbing at first, but this slightly disturbing aspect only urged me to watch more! I think this is because this type of animation felt a little familiar to me, and ultimately the parasytes, (spelt with a ‘y’ instead of an ‘i’ in the anime)*, reminded me of the kagune of ghouls in the anime Toyko Ghoul. 

My first impressions of the protagonist and main character, Shinichi, was that he looked remarkably similar to Yuri Katsuki from Yuri!!! on ICE.

 

Image result for shinichi and yuri

Shinichi

Image result for shinichi and yuri

Yuri

 

 

 

 

 

 

I mean?????

I thought that this anime was thrilling, and the first few episodes are indeed promising! Let’s discuss some key points of recognition for this anime:

 

Character development

I personally have a soft spot for characters who are ‘damaged’ on an emotional level, and I tend to always enjoy an anime that manages to portray this well and tug at my heartstrings. Warning: SPOILERS ahead. 

One of the most defining points in this anime takes place in episode 5. Shinichi is already displaying some minor psychological changes, due to sharing a body with Migi (the Parasyte). In this episode Nobuko, Shinichi’s mother, is killed by a Parasite that takes her body as its host before attacking Kazuyuki, Shinichi’s father. To make matters worse, Shinichi’s mother was only encountered by the parasyte due to the insistence, despite his initial instincts, of Shinichi that she should go and enjoy this holiday with his father.

I found her death extremely sad, as Shinichi is such an innocent character and I can only imagine the grief of losing your mother. The events that followed though, sent initial shock. Shinichi ended up getting stabbed through the heart, but despite this, I never doubted his survival. There couldn’t possibly be an anime without him? I was just shocked that it happened, and wasn’t sure how one does recover from death.

But, animes tend to find a way. I was glad, for one thing, that characters who die in this anime tend to stay dead. Sounds cruel, but nothing spoils the moment more than a character constantly coming back; it ruins any tension or grief of their death. Examples of this can be seen in Dragon Ball Z, or even the TV series The Vampire Diaries.

Image result for anime gif "stay dead!"

 

Another worthy thing to mention that tends to be used in animes is the showing of a character’s development through their appearance. Similar to Yuri in the anime Yuri!!! on ICE, Shinichi’s growing confidence and distance from his usual anxiety is shown through his hairstyle. In my opinion, this hairstyle made him look somewhat like a ‘playboy’, and this might have been intentional since he can come across somewhat like that to characters who were not aware of the situation (literally everyone).

Like, how is this the same person?

 

Some honourable mentions and considerations

  • I enjoyed Shinichi’s character development, but not as much from episode 19 onwards. His ‘Is this human? What is right? Do we deserve this? I cannot make the call’ attitude became repetitive, and his final fight with the ‘boss level’ kind of parasyte was dragged out by repetitive dialogue and not needed repeating sequences.
  • Episode 5 was, for me, unexpected and well portrayed. I was moved emotionally, and Episode 6 didn’t let up.
  • My favourite scenes, and this is my favourite part in animes with damaged characters, is when Shinichi’s (the damaged character’s) pain or hardships are somewhat showed to other characters. Not in a ‘complaining’ manner, but in a way that creates a sombre atmosphere. One of my favourite scenes is in Episode 19 when Shinichi’s scar is revealed unintentionally to his classmates. I feel that this scene may be overlooked, but I don’t think anyone can deny the feeling of satisfaction when the damaged character’s suffering is finally shown subtly to other characters.
  • Shinichi and Murano: Well, I personally did not ship these guys despite them being canon. I am happy that Murano did not consume the entirety of the anime, and that their relationship didn’t become annoying. It may sound harsh, but sometimes female love-interests in animes can come across as annoying, for no particular reason. This opinion differs depending on the viewer.
  • I like Migi, and am happy the character did not develop into a ‘side-kick’ or ‘pet’.
  • Animation: The morphing grasps your attention from the first episode, but in my opinion, it fails to continue doing so towards the end of the anime. This is because it becomes repetitive, and doesn’t differ as much, such as when the dog parasyte morphed. Now that was creepy.
  • Ryoko Tamiya is a ‘villain’ I liked, but her character development was predictable (for me) and I would have appreciated a more insightful view of when her character began ‘changing’.
  • Uragami is an interesting character, and I think he portrays the worst of humanity well.
  • Kana deserves some recognition, and I am curious if anyone shipped her and Shinichi more than Shinichi and Murano.
  • The animation quality tended to drop in certain scenes, but I liked the overall animation very much.

Final Thoughts

Overall, I enjoyed this anime and I would recommend it. My review might come across as slightly picky or harsh, but that is because I really enjoyed the concept of this anime and feel that the last few episodes might have let me down slightly. I would rate this anime 7 apples out of 10 bananas, and I definitely enjoyed watching it.

 

Well done for reading this far, and thank you so much if you took the time to read it! I hope you enjoyed this review of this anime, and I hope you consider watching it if you haven’t yet! I don’t think this is the best review I’ve ever done, but I don’t have that much to discuss about this anime and I hope that further reviews provoke more emotion from me, similar to Episode 5/6, and that I am able to connect to it more, similar to Orange or the Garden of Words

-Brittney ❤

Last days of September… a Catch-up

Hello!

I feel rather guilty for not being active on my own blog, as well as many of yours! So I decided to take the time to write about how September has been for me, what I have been up to, and what I am looking forward to! Before I proceed though, I would like to invite you guys to comment below a post of yours that you would like me to read (as well as anyone visiting the comment section) and I will be sure to check it out! 🙂

Anyway, let us begin!

 

September 2018

I haven’t written about every month of the year so far, due to laziness, BUT I feel that September has been a month of firsts! And lasts… This update will be brief, but this is more so of a ‘heads up’ post than a ‘ramble on’ kind of post…

 

My first job!

One of the most exciting parts of my month, being about 3 weeks ago, is the day I went for my first job interview! If you are not aware, I am 16 years old, and have never had an official job before! Around-about the 6th of September, I pounced on the advertisement for a job that I thought I was more than qualified to do… working at a bakery! I cannot bake for my life, but I can clean and that is what the job required.

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I applied for an afternoon cleaning job at a local bakery. Not the most pleasant-sounding job, but it has been one of my many goals this year to get a job, and I figured it was now or never.

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I created my CV and with the help of the Career’s Advisor at my school, applied for the position. I know, I know, this probably doesn’t sound too exciting, but it was an important moment for me.

On the 11th, just more than an hour after my Career’s Advisor met with me, I was informed I had an interview with the owner of the Bakery after school… which was in 2 hours! I would have to walk myself to the bakery, to my FIRST job interview, and gather up all the confidence I could muster. Thankfully, one of my friends at school helped me clean-up a bit and look presentable by helping me dust my uniform and neatly tie my hair, etc. She was so unknowingly helpful, and I was able to feel much better attending the job interview than when I had first been told I had one. So thank you very much to her! (Whose permission I do not yet have to include her name in this post.) 

The interview went very well, and I am happy to report that I have the job! It is not the most pleasant job, and my first week of training left my body very sore, but it pays and is a good experience to have. Plus, I can proudly say that I managed to get a job!

 

Practice-Exam Results

This mostly falls under August, but is still something to celebrate :)) I, fortunately, did very well in my practice exams, but this leaves a lot of expectation for me to achieve the same high mark in my final exams in about 5 weeks. This is where I hope self-discipline and organization will prevail! It is rather hard when anime, movies, Kpop, and just general procrastination falls under your usual activities… 

 

Holidays!

YAYYYYYY! My third term of school is over, and I am blessed with 2 whole weeks of holiday!

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It may not sound like too long of a holiday, but two weeks is a long time to watch animes, catch-up on Vlive, read some good books, try some recipes, and just do things that make my heart sing!

I didn’t want this post to be too long since I have all these plans, so I thought to list some (possible) upcoming posts to look forward to in the span of the next two weeks:

  • Finally, Part 2 of my Tokyo Ghoul:Re review  (not that anyone was waiting) 
  • ‘Parasyte’ anime review
  • ‘High School of the Dead’ review
  • Hotarubi no Mori e
  • More anime reviews, and on more recent animes ;)) (read below) 
  • A book review
  • Another personal update
  • And possibly something different to my norm?

 

Also, if you are curious about the animes I plan to watch or what I am watching, I created a profile on Anilist and this has really helped me keep track of my progress! If you would like to follow my account, my profile name is brittneYbloB. I understand many people prefer other websites to help keep track of their animes or browse for new ones to watch, but so far I am enjoying using Anilist and I do recommend!

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Thank you so much for reading this far, and hopefully, you enjoyed and are looking forward to the upcoming posts. I understand my posts won’t appear on many timelines because my blog has adopted some cobwebs since I was last active, but I hope my posts start showing up again soon ^^

 

– Brittney ❤

Tokyo Ghoul: Re – Part 1

Hello!

It has been a hot minute since I last posted something, especially on an anime, but here I am! Before I begin, there are a few things you should know. Firstly, this is Part 1 of a 2 part review. I will not cover all of the events in :Re and do not recommend you reading if you have not watched any Tokyo Ghoul material or Tokyo Ghoul: Re. This is a personal review, sharing some of my opinions and feelings. I have not read the manga for Tokyo Ghoul, but am aware of the majority of the differences between the anime adaptation and the manga. My initial reactions when watching the anime are that of someone who has not read the manga.

Anyway, with that out-of-the-way, I hope you enjoy! Without further ado, let’s begin! We have lots to talk about.

Tokyo Ghoul: Re

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I haven’t watched any anime recently, I know what a sin, but last night I decided it was time to catch some more of those anime feels and enjoy some anime.

Last year I thoroughly enjoyed watching Tokyo Ghoul Season 1 and Season 2 (commonly known as), and Tokyo Ghoul was probably the fourth anime I had ever watched. It holds a place in my heart and was a really good watch (in my opinion) when being introduced to anime. Looking back on it, I can understand why many people would have disagreements and differed opinions regarding the anime adaptation of the mangas. But all differences aside, going into the anime without any knowledge of the story or realisation of major differences between the anime and manga, I thoroughly enjoyed S1 and S2. Looking back, I still do! After having watched many more animes after, I can understand where S1 and S2 of the anime could improve and where some opinions are coming from. But we’re not here to talk about that!

I have been so excited to watch Tokyo Ghoul: Re and when I saw that the full dubbed is viewable on an anime website I visit, I might have released an unholy sound due to the excitement. I binge watched all 12 episodes in the last 12 hours and decided to write a review while it is still fresh in my mind, especially since I have a few thoughts regarding the anime that I think at least a few viewers will be able to relate.

I have watched Tokyo Ghoul Season 1 and 2 dubbed, and decided to wait for the dub of Tokyo Ghoul: Re. Disclaimer: I enjoy anime both dubbed and subbed, but however I choose to watch an anime is how I prefer to watch all of it. Having grown fond of characters and recognising their distinctive dubbed voices, I felt watching Tokyo Ghoul:Re subbed would not ignite the same feels as I would not necessarily associate the voices. For me a constant was ideal, and so I chose to wait for the full release of the dub.

Anyway.

From an anime watcher and lover, I love the concept that belongs to the Tokyo Ghoul franchise and was more than keen for Season 3 of the anime, Tokyo Ghoul: Re.

BUT HOLD UP. Tokyo Ghoul: Re is Season 2! 

Yep. That is correct. Going into this review of the anime, I would like to warn that it might become a little confusing. Heck, most of you reading might have already watched the anime and if you have not read the manga like myself, I am sure you are already confused! Before I begin, a disclaimer that there will be SPOILERS ahead.

Episode 1.

Now I won’t break down every episode, but I feel episode one of :Re needed a special mention on its own. This is because watching the first episode I was confused, but probably not the most confused a viewer could have been. Avoiding spoilers of the anime on social media was not so easy, especially since I chose to wait for the dubbed. So when :Re was airing, nasty little spoilers popped up here and there. Fortunately, going into the anime I was only aware of 2 spoilers.

Spoiler 1: Haise Sasaki is Ken Kaneki, and somehow Kaneki has no recollection of who he was and now identifies as Sasaki. (To be explained…) 

Spoiler 2: I chose not to reveal this spoiler as it is not yet relevant to :Re and has not been ‘exposed’ in the anime adaptation yet. You’re welcome.

I guess I am fortunate that these are the only major spoilers I encountered, and I was more than surprised that ‘Spoiler 1’ wasn’t really a major spoiler for the anime? In fact, Sasaki is revealed as Kaneki in the OP! Many people who either have skipped the OP or did not actually paid attention to the visuals might have missed this, in which case I can confidently say that anime confusion of ‘Where is Kaneki?‘ and ‘Why are we following this guy?’ is your fault.

Although, ‘Where is Kaneki?‘ is a good question. Along the lines of what Shuu Tsukiyama says in :Re, Sasaki just has the same shell as Kaneki. Having no memories of before, the CCG basically gained a ‘blank canvas’. They initially customised Sasaki to fit their needs. The damaged Kaneki we know and love still remains in the depths of Sasaki’s mind, and is shown through fragments here and there. I guess we could say Sasaki wants to live his own life of redemption, and not let Kaneki take over. Granted Kaneki was kind of insane and broken the last time we saw him, I still did miss him. The creators did a good job writing for Sasaki, as I did not think of him as Kaneki really but as a separate individual. We shall come back to this concept later.

I think the majority of the viewers who have not read the manga were confused by episode 1. It is not because we did not understand what was going on, or as if we were new to the fandom. But everything about episode 1 was new in a sense. Two whole years in the anime had passed since the last events of Tokyo Ghoul S2, and 3 or so years since the release and airing of Tokyo Ghoul S2. This gap is enough to confuse any viewer. Season 2 ended on a cliffhanger, and it has been a few years or at least a few months since the majority of the viewers have watched Tokyo Ghoul. SO SURELY, the animators would give some kind of recap? Something at least? Anything?!

Nope. No recap. We just jump straight into :Re.

 

A ‘Blank Canvas’ Concept

To some extent, I see the purpose of having no recap. Some might jokingly say, “I guess it’s so we are just as confused as Kaneki”. Starting on a blank like this helps us build up the story in :Re from scratch. Creators want us to look at the new season as Part 2 of the story, and not necessarily as a continuation of previous events, but instead as the consequences and the ripples of it. So the best thing for viewers would probably be to forget the last events of Season 2 and not expect any closure. Or at least yet?

I personally found it hard to focus while watching the first episode of :Re. This is for numerous reasons. I wasn’t exactly looking for Kaneki, but I was patiently waiting for the characters I had known, and maybe the ‘reappearance’ of Kaneki. I find it slightly humorous how, while watching S1 and S2, I so badly wanted Kaneki to be happy and remain happy and yet in :Re, all I wanted was to see the Kaneki I had known! Pained and damaged! (Not to sound crazy of course.) I didn’t feel that much closure seeing Sasaki happy, and could not help but be slightly excited at the idea that Kaneki might ‘regain control’ and let Sasaki sit out for a bit. But that’s just me. I guess there just was no real attachment to any of the characters, especially because they were are all new from the get-go.

In episode 1 up until 12 we are introduced to many new characters, and throughout :Re we only get seconds worth of familiar characters. Like I previously said, I think of :Re being a blank canvas for creators similar to Sasaki to the CCG. It is kind of like watching an entirely separate anime up until episode 10. This does serve a purpose as I feel the creators might be building up the story again, only for it to climax towards the end of :Re and into the next season. New characters lead to new character development, as well as deaths. It is our job as viewers to connect to these characters so that if they were to die it would be more meaningful and devastating. Sounds lovely right.

I also might have forgotten who all died in the climax of S2. :Re does remind you and demonstrates some consequences of those events. In :Re there is still a healthy flow of characters from the previous seasons, and some of these encounters might just tug at your heartstrings!

Sasaki encountering familiar faces

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One of my favourites parts about Tokyo Ghoul S1 and S2, other than the inner-conflict Kaneki faces and the moral issues in the CCG, was the suspense and relationships between Kaneki and other characters. In :Re, I found it harder to connect or be taken with the relationships Sasaki has with the new characters. Again, this is partly on my fault due to the fact that I really wanted to see familiar characters and how Sasaki would interact with them. While watching the new characters trickle in and happily watching :Re, you can imagine my excitement when I heard a familiar name.

Making numerous appearances and probably being my favourite character in S1 and S2, other than Ken Kaneki, would be Juuzou Suzuya! And boy was I happy to hear his name in episode 2!

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Same goes for you Juuzou

I must admit, his character development took me a little by surprise. Although some fans are still debating whether white-haired or black-haired Juuzou is visually better, I kind of see their point. Black-haired Juuzou is not necessarily just a visual difference. His character has developed and he seems slightly calmer and less unusual than in previous seasons. I won’t go in-depth on his disturbing past and character kinks, but there definitely is a slight change. Maybe I am the only one noticing this? Do let me know if you prefer Juuzou in S2 or in :Re 😉

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As expected, the new characters introduced in :Re are given a lot of the airing time. But when we do encounter familiar faces, it definitely does a bit of damage. Let’s talk about Kaneki and Touka.

giphy2Kaneki and Touka had a ‘special’ relationship in S1 and S2 and was a focus for many viewers. Other than just shipping them, the interactions between these two, especially towards the end of S2, are quite memorable. Its one of those ‘will they or won’t they’ scenarios.

So not seeing Touka in :Re as much as I expected was odd, and especially not really hearing many lines from her. Other than Sasaki remembering the dear Anteiku Coffee Shop and memories there, his brief interaction with Touka and a familiar environment left my heart rather sore. Although the shop is not the same, just having most *wipes tear* of the characters in a similar setting was enough for me to remember and feel the loss. The moment when Kaneki saw Touka, I forgot to breathe. Touka may not be my favourite character and a lot of people might even ship Hide and Kaneki, but that scene brought tears to my eyes. I did not cry, but I was damn close when that tear found its way to Sasaki’s chin, and when he delivered his heart-wrenching one-liners regarding Touka.

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I think these moments of loss and remembrance in :Re are what really hit home for me.

But Brittney, we haven’t even discussed the plot of Tokyo Ghoul: Re and the new characters! And what about that climax towards the end after episode 10?! 

My review is already rather lengthy, and I haven’t even discussed some of the focal points in :Re! I guess you guys will have to just wait for that in Part 2, and boy does it get good! 😉

Thank you so much if you have read this far, and I would love to know any of your thoughts regarding things I have mentioned, or even just how your day has been going!

– Brittney ❤

 

 

 

 

 

A Haven

Hello

I have had a challenging past 2 days, and that is putting it lightly. I have been at war with myself, that is, in my head. I have unintentionally tortured myself, and I don’t understand, yet, why I suddenly felt the way I did. I hated myself, and for no reason really. I hadn’t done anything wrong or wronged myself or others in any way, yet I convinced myself that I had. It is difficult to explain and I feel uncomfortable trying, but I seek peace of mind.

I just hated myself for any reason my mind could stir up, or any unsettlement it could not cope with yet. This is probably the second time in my life, that I can recall, where losing to whatever that was was a large possibility in my mind. I am a strong individual mentally and emotionally, and I have faced many challenges and endured. Losing to negative thoughts has never been an option I was willing to accept and even consider, so for me personally feeling the way I did was horrible.

( I hope I do not come across as dramatic in this personal post. )

I was alone today and had to face this challenge by myself, without the distractions of company or any form of work. I wanted so badly to scream, but for the life of me I did not know why! I was beyond frustrated with myself, as well as incredibly sad. Getting through the day would be a huge accomplishment in the mindset I was in. Attempting to be productive, I finished reading the second half of a novel I had started. I gave all of my attention to it, focusing on every word and hanging on every sentence. Eventually the fictional world consumed my thoughts, and after I finished the book all of my previous struggles had withdrawn from my mind. I had not forgotten, except for my duration of reading, but afterwards my mind seemed calm.

Later in the evening, my family had returned home from their daily occupations and after dinner we watched some TV. I was, up until a few moments ago, invested in a documentary of events in Syria and with ISIS. The man hosting and informing us of events and experiences was in the country, in the areas of danger. I am reminded, hearing all of those poor and strong souls’ stories, of how blessed I am and to go easy on myself. My life was never in any danger today, but the sudden unhappiness, frustration and hatred towards myself was a shock to the system. How I managed to cope, and am learning to, is something I would like to address, especially in case your thoughts become too overwhelming to bear.

Finding a Haven

You cannot run away from yourself. Today I so desperately wanted to run from myself, but that is not possible nor healthy I think. For me, becoming involved in a fictional world which I enjoy or feel invested in is something that helps 10/10. Reading your favourite genre of novels, manga, watching you favourite anime or movie, or even choosing to learn something new helps. Distracting yourself can help, but we cannot avoid these thoughts forever. So what do you do if you cannot avoid them and they are too overwhelming to confront?

Just take a breathe of fresh air and escape your earthly troubles my friend. Allow your mind to wonder to a place of safety and love. Do not become so involved in temporary or passing troubles that you forget what you enjoy. Be it the company of others or the comfort of a book.

-Brittney ❤

 

 

 

Some Snazzy Writing!

Hello!

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I have not posted in a while and I apologise, but here I am and with something to share!

I thought to share a piece of my creative writing I have been working on. The genre is horror, and the story is definitely not completed.

This is a piece from a long story/novel I have been attempting to write, so I would appreciate readers and feedback :))

sonic-ninja

It is rather lengthy despite it being only a piece, but I would appreciate it if you took the time to read 🙂 I do hope you enjoy!

 

 

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***

I felt nauseous at first but then all the other symptoms kicked in, even after all the medicine. I had been straining my eyes to concentrate on the road for the last few hours, but nothing seems to be working.

My head feels dizzy as the road begins to blur. I can’t grasp whether this is due to my eyes or the pouring rain. I should stop. Going further might be a bad idea. My debate on whether to stop or keep going seems fruitless as I continue to search for some non-existing space on the road to pull over. The best option now seems to keep going until I am through the mountain pass. My eyes strain as I search the road for signs. I swerve twice avoiding the fence between me and the cliff edge. What are you doing Ellie?

I want to bury my head in my hands out of frustration for not taking Dr Esker’s offer of accompanying me along the long journey. My head is pounding and I want to throw up. The road continues to blur more and more; the pain in my head worsening. Ten minutes passed and now the road seems to have reached the peak of the mountain and is beginning to descend, revealing a large sign glowing in my headlights. The sign reads in big, bold letters TOWN OF MASSIVE, POPULATION: 500. I got my first glimpse of the Town of Massive.

The sun is rising now, casting a blood red glow over the land and forest surrounding the town. From my high view, the one road that goes all the way through the town and out the other side can be seen. That will be the road I will take once I’ve rested up. I thought then, just for a moment, that maybe I should just pass through and rest at the next town, feeling I could push to go further. But the pain in my head punched at my thoughts and the idea quickly passed. No. I need to rest.

The descent finally ended and I am now driving on flat, even ground. The scenery of the dense, luscious forest is beautiful. Deciding that a cigarette might help ease the pain in my head I roll down my window slightly, but a freezing wind briskly kisses my face and hands. I immediately roll my window back up.

***

The whole town must still be in bed as the streets are empty and shops are closed. I watch some of the shop lights come on as I drive past. The owners must be preparing for the day’s customers. No one is out or walking and who is to blame them, it’s freezing. I pull over into the town’s motel. I search through my clothes and old coffee cups scattered on the passenger chair for my bag, phone and coat, quickly dressing for the frigid air. Prepared for the cold air to embrace me, I step outside the vehicle. Although I have layers on I still shiver as I walk quickly to the reception. Nearly slipping twice on the frosty grass I hurry to the warmth of the indoors, each time trying to laugh off the embarrassment but fail to.

After making it up the three steps to the porch, I peer through the frosted glass. The lights in the reception are on and the sign reads “OPEN 24/7! ALL ARE WELCOME”. The freezing air is abandoned as I close the door behind me, welcoming the warmth of the fire burning adjacent the front desk.

I tap the bell on the desk and wait for the nice landlady to come and welcome me, offering tea like in every motel in every book I’ve read. But nothing happened. Five minutes passed. Nothing. I ring it again, readjusting my smile awaiting service. Nothing. Growing uneasy by now, I attempt to reassure myself by imagining some old lady snoring in the back, forgetting to set her alarm. I am about to go around the desk and through the back to look for service, but I pause thinking I should probably show some ID or money to justify my hasty request for a room.

As I am digging through my bag, my heart sinks. I had left my purse in the hospital drawer next to the bed. Even after repeatedly telling myself not to forget it, I did. After all this trouble, I still would have to settle for interrupted naps on the backseat of my car. At least this option saves me the trouble of looking for service and spending money. I walk to the door and brace for the cold wind which meets me on cue.

I hurry towards my car, open the back door and collapse on the seat. The pain in my head is worse than ever and I blink numerous times hoping it would stop affecting my vision, but that too is worse than ever. The blurriness of the ceiling of my car fades as my eyes close. The sun rises fully and glares through the frost on the window.

***

My eyes are tired as I open them and my head paining numbly as an aftershock from the previous intense pain. Not an improvement, but not the worst pain I’ve experienced. I sit up adjusting my clothes, hoping not to look like I’ve just woken up. Glancing out my car window, I blink at least ten times hoping after each one that what I am seeing is not true, but what I see doesn’t change. No no no no no! Opening the door, I leap out of the car. It can’t be evening already! How long was I out?! No no no! I jump as I feel the sensation of cold fingertips tapping my face. Snow! No! Pacing around the car, I try to calm my frustration. After walking around the car four times, I stop by the driver’s door. Ok Ellie, no problem. Let’s just refuel the car and get on our way, dark or not. I pull at the driver’s handle, but the door refuses to budge. My head becomes hot with anger as I repeatedly try all the other car doors. Great. Locked out my own car. Taking a deep breath, I try to calm my thoughts. Calm down Ellie. Just look for a locksmith or someone to help.

The Motel parking lot seems empty still and all the lights are on. The town is lit peacefully with all the lights of the shops and homes. I walk once again quickly to the motel’s front office and desk. Opening the door, I am welcomed by the warmth of the fire, again. I tap the bell on the desk, not actually expecting an answer. Still no one came, but I had grown impatient and made the decision to march around the desk and open the door into the back.

Walking through the employees’ door, the atmosphere suddenly changed. The air isn’t veiled by the warmth of the fire behind the doors I had just walked through, but instead it has a cold, unwelcoming presence. I can feel my heart beating faster than usual – an unusual reaction to a perfectly harmless area. What am I so panicked about?

I stand before a passage leading to a door ten meters away, with a door on the left and two doors on the right. I want to call out, alerting whoever works here that I am trespassing only as an emergency, but something inside me silences my voice on instinct. The first door is on my right so I move slowly towards it. I place one foot slowly in front of another, pausing between each step and balancing trying to make the least noise possible, almost swaying and looking like a mantis in my effort.

After a few large steps I reach the first door. The room is empty except for a desk and papers, all undisturbed. I enter the closet size room and pick up a few papers from the desk. Just a bunch of numbers and payments, nothing unusual or worth the attention. I shuffle the papers and glance at each one, not sure what I am hoping to find. I pause and the speed of my beating heart doubles as a loud noise can be heard from further down the passage. The sudden sound is alarming, and resembled that of a pot falling to a tiled floor. Is there someone here after all? I stand there staring at the open doorway expecting something awful to appear.

My body is on full alert. My breathing is shallow and I am covered in goosebumps. Is my body aware of something my mind isn’t? I slowly put the papers down and peer into the passage. All the doors are still closed. I slowly make my way down the passage. I grasp the handle of the second door on the right, my fingers twisting around the cold brass handle. Turning it slowly, I hear all the mechanisms turn to open the door. Opening it an inch, I peer in.

The room inside is much larger and is brightly lit. I open it another inch and peer closer. It’s the motel kitchen. Glancing behind me, I realize only now that I am crouching on my knees. As silly as I feel, I do not budge from my position. Taking two short and quiet breaths, I enter the room still crouching. The kitchen consists of an island counter, two sinks, two large ovens attached to the wall on the right, and some cupboards either side of four windows which reveal the parking lot outside where my car, the only car, stands lit by the lamppost. Near the large two ovens, two pots lay on the floor. The noise.

I rise from my crouching position to reveal my figure, making anyone in the room aware of my presence, despite the unnerving feeling that whoever I felt is watching knew I was there a long time ago. Slowly, I move around the island towards the sinks, hearing my boots kiss the tiles gently. The sinks’ surfaces are wet from a previous use. The obvious questions are at the front of my mind, but I carry on moving through the area. Utensils are out and I glance at the knives, wondering if I dare equip. No, don’t be ridiculous Ellie.

Deciding to move out of the kitchen, I head to the door on the left side of the passage. As I open the door, I am hit with a terrible, stomach-churning smell. I take two huge steps back, covering my nose as I begin to gag. My eyes begin watering at the severity of the smell.

I glance inside the room, but there is no source of the smell. It is a bedroom, with the bed covers neatly made, and items in this room undisturbed as well. There is a bedside table, a lamp, a queen-sized bed, an air vent and very feminine decor. Must be the landlady’s room, whom I had the undesirable thought I would never meet. Closing the door, I swiftly pivot on my heels and head to the final door at the end of the passage. One more whiff of that smell would surely make me vomit. I laugh at myself briefly. Vomit what? I haven’t eaten in hours. All I had time to do was take my routine dosage of the medication before I left. I pause and my stomach lurches. Oh no. My medication. It’s in the car. Moving quickly I open the door at the end of the passage and am met by snow and freezing air. Although the air is freezing and it is snowing, I do not hesitate to move outside. The cold air seems more hostile than the atmosphere in the back of the motel.

***

I walk from the back entrance of the motel office along the side alley, and then down the main road into the town. The streets are empty and the snow is beginning to fall quicker. I could use a cigarette right now, but of course that too is in my locked car. The only things I have are the contents in my coat, being my lighter and a tissue. No medicine, no phone, no keys of course and no money. I have never felt so isolated and alone in a town of 500 people.

The houses ahead are mostly lit inside and seem welcoming, but I feel it is all a veil. I remember back to the knife in the kitchen. Should I have taken it?

My hands are nuzzled deep in my pockets and can feel the cold air on my face as I walk. I want to knock on a door, but would anyone answer? I have not passed any of the houses yet, only shops. Most of the shops bore the sign “OPEN”, but I cannot see any movement through the windows. Some of the shops are not lit and seem equally menacing to the well-lit shops. It must be the time of night, the lack of food and aching head that is misleading my thoughts and judgements. I am scaring myself.  

Passing COTTON CANDY’S CANDY SHOP, SIMON’S SHOES and DIANA’S SPA, I arrive at the fuel station. I walk towards the fuel station’s quick shop for quick buys, as the logo reads, and am greeted by automated glass doors. The shop is small, but is packed with snacks and beverages. The store also has other contents like toilet paper, tissues, cooking oil, baking powders and coffees. It seems to have all sorts of things you would buy if you needed it on the go, or at an inconvenient time. I glide towards the counter and am not surprised when there is no one to greet me. I stand at the counter, attempting to peer into the back. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I see movement. Once again, my body freezes as it becomes covered in goosebumps. Slowly, I turn my head to face the direction of the movement. My heart races as I prepare to confront whatever lurks in the store.

But there is nothing, except a security camera rotating on cue with a blinking red light. It is only now that I am aware of how fast my heart is beating and the sudden coldness in the store. I turn my body to face the glass doors, retracing my steps without haste. Five feet from the door, I hear some items behind me fall from the shelves and hit the floor. I stop, my eyes wide. Without thinking, I look behind me.

Crouching on the floor, something is occupied with the broken cans of food. My eyes scan the long limbs, protruding spine, and the corpse like complection. It’s back is facing me, and all I can hear is the most disgusting sounds coming from the creature. It seems to be busy with the mess on the floor, and not at all interested in me. I want to feel relieved, but am too quick to realise that it has not yet noticed me. I want to run; run for my life with all the energy I can muster, but my body refuses to move. I panic internally, trying to convince my limbs that it is okay to move, to flee. Please. I beg myself to move, but I remain cemented to the spot. The creature continues to broadcast awful choking and gurgling sounds, shoving the mess down its throat. Not daring to blink, I watch it grab chunks of the mess with sharp fingernails attached to long, boney and strong-looking fingers. The creature turns it’s head to the side and I catch a glimpse of it’s repulsive mouth. All I see are it’s teeth – dozens of long, razor-sharp teeth. That was enough. I turn sharply and run, jumping through the small gap as the automatic doors slowly open, hearing a struggle of movement behind me.

I run into the night, the darkness and cold. Ahead of me lies the main road, and behind me I hear the strong, quick movements of the creature accompanied by grunts and unrecognisable sounds. Tears run down my face and seem to freeze before they can fall. My arms flail and my legs carry me to the beat of my pounding heart. All I can feel is the cold and my body aching from the sudden movement. Adrenaline is suppose to kick in now, but my sickness has progressed too much to allow this much movement or any additional help from my body. My body seems to be more of a liability than an asset as I struggle to keep moving. I cannot keep this up for much longer. Please legs, carry me further. Please. But I cannot run anymore. My pleading ends as I collapse on the ground, ploughing through the snow.

I lay on my side with my knees bent towards my chest, wincing as I attempt to sit up. My body refuses any request for movement so I lay there, in the snow, awaiting death.

Once again I feel the sharp, familiar pain in my head. My vision blurs as my eyelids become heavy. Instead of fighting it, I succumb to the darkness willingly and feel my now heavy body become numb from the snow. The small noises in the still night grow faint until they eventually abandon me as well.

***

 

-Brittney ❤